Why don’t lesbians talk about sex with their friends?

Imagine this…you are, sitting around with your best lez-b-friends, and just like in Sex and the City, you look like you have been dressed by Dolce and Gabbana, (highly unlikely in my case, as I don’t think that D and G do water-proof trousers or wellies), drinking Lattes and people watching.

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What do you talk about? The latest episode of OITNB? Fashion? Football scores (if you are unlucky enough to be part of a sporty lesbian crowd), Literature, or vegan recipes? (if you are unlucky enough to be part of feminist collective), outdoor pursuits clothes? (if you….)……………………………you get the picture.


……CATS, that’s what you talk about, isn’t it..Cats, or maybe dogs or for some, babies.

I generalise, but what you don’t talk about is your sex life. AMIRIGHT? (see comments below for anwer to this). Maybe its just me and the circles I mix in, I have a really nice and close group of lesbian friends who I have been friends with for years and in some cases 15 years or more. Why don’t I talk about my sex life. There is one simple reason…………….

Because my partner/wife/girlfriend is sat right next to me.

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That is the way we roll though isn’t it. We have ‘our’ friends, and we tend to social in groups with our GFs right there. Makes it more difficult to ask for tips and techniques, or share problems. We feel that we are being disloyal, because our friends are her friends as well, so they don’t want to know what she likes, or doesn’t like in bed. And call me reductive (if you know what it means), but this ain’t the same for straight couples. They have ‘girls’ nights out, where they get pissed and talk about their husbands penises (or should that be peni…or does that mean that the man has more than one….oh I don’t know)…etc..etc. A straight friend of mine told me that her mother had said to her.

Long and thin ones are the worst kind

I cannot imagine receiving sex advice on lesbian matters from my mother (thank god). So, we keep it to ourselves. We don’t talk about it any more than in a really general and jokey way. We don’t know what is ‘normal’ and we don’t know what to expect when we have been with someone for a few years. I’ll be getting onto all of those questions in other posts, but for now, can I make a plea?……Talk to each other…be respectful to your partners privacy……but talk to each other in confidence. Be honest in your responses and learn from each other about what is going on in the sex lives of our community. Ignore all the ….food-licking, vampire-biting, money-stuffing, pulpit-balancing, hard-fisting… sex scenes of T.V programmes like The L Word and OITNB, and ask around among your friends….you might find that your sex lives are more similar than you think.

NB: If you do talk about sex with your lesbian mates, or straight mates please do post a comment. I am really interested to know if this is a generational thing (My mates were all born before 1980), and/or a class thing (a big drama is Waitrose running out of Chabli). Your input would be much appreciated. 🙂